"I'm confident in the boardroom, but I dread the business dinners and networking events that follow."
This is a common concern we hear from highly skilled professionals, even those with advanced English proficiency. Unlike the five minutes of small talk before a meeting, a business lunch or dinner can last for one to two hours. The pressure to "keep the conversation lively in English" for that long can be immense.
However, in global socializing, you don't need to be an "entertainer." What's truly valued is your ability to be an "Active Listener" who makes the other person the star, and when asked, to be a "Storyteller" who can speak intelligently about your own culture.
This article introduces strategies for becoming a proactive listener to navigate long social events and build trust, along with English expressions for logically explaining Japanese culture.
1. The Art of Joining & Leaving Conversations at Networking Events
It takes courage to join a conversation circle that has already formed at a networking event. It's also tricky to leave a conversation gracefully when you've run out of things to say. Fortunately, there are established formulas that Western executives use for these situations.
Entry: Joining a Conversation Naturally
Asking "Can I join you?" out of the blue can be a bit abrupt. A smarter approach is to wait for a pause in the conversation, make a comment related to the topic, and then introduce yourself.
- Step 1: Read the Room Aim for the "0.5-second pause" when someone takes a breath or right after a moment of laughter.
- Step 2: Comment + Introduction "Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear your discussion about [Topic]…"
By referencing the topic before asking to join, you'll be welcomed more smoothly. - Step 3: Hand the Reins Back with a Question After introductions, immediately ask a question like, "That’s fascinating. How did you get involved in that project?" to shift the focus back to them.
Exit: Making a Graceful Exit
Saying you need to go to the restroom lacks finesse. The proper etiquette is to affirm that you enjoyed the conversation and then state your "next action" as the reason for leaving.
- "It was great chatting with you. I’m going to grab another drink – enjoy the rest of your evening!"
- "I see someone I need to catch up with, but it was great connecting with you."
2. The Art of "Deep-Dive Questions" to Survive a 2-Hour Dinner
You don't have to do all the talking. If you focus on making the other person feel comfortable speaking, two hours will fly by. To do this, shift from asking about facts (What) to asking about values (Why).
"Echoing" and "Mirroring"
Simply repeating a keyword the other person said sends a powerful signal that you want to hear more.
- Them: "I went hiking on the weekend."
- You: "Hiking? That sounds great!"
This technique, known in psychology as "mirroring," puts the other person at ease and encourages them to elaborate.
From "What" to "Why"
Don't stop at "What do you do?" Dig deeper by asking, "Why did you choose that line of work?" People love to talk about their passions and stories.
- Level 1 (What): "How long have you been doing that?"
- Level 2 (Why): "What inspired you to get into that field?"
- Level 3 (Feeling): "What do you enjoy most about your work?"
By deepening your questions in this order—Fact → Motivation → Feeling—the other person will naturally see you as an engaging conversationalist.
3. Storytelling: Explaining Japanese Culture Through its Philosophy
After you've been a good listener, your turn will inevitably come when someone asks, "So, how is it in Japan?" At this moment, it's far more impressive to explain the background (Context) and philosophy (Philosophy) of "why Japanese people do things a certain way" rather than just describing the phenomenon.
Here are some examples of how to intelligently explain three topics that often interest foreigners.
① Nemawashi
Translating this as "backroom dealing" has negative connotations. Instead, explain it as a "process of consensus-building."
"In Japan, we have a concept called 'Nemawashi', which literally means ‘going around the roots.’ It refers to the process of building consensus behind the scenes before a formal meeting. By doing this, we ensure that decisions are made smoothly without open conflict."
② Drinking Culture (Nomikai)
Explain it not just as a drinking party, but as a function that provides a "temporary relaxation of the hierarchy."
"After-work drinking, or 'Nomikai', serves an important social function. It temporarily relaxes the strict workplace hierarchy. Over drinks, subordinates can share honest opinions with their bosses in a relaxed atmosphere, which helps build team trust."
③ Omotenashi
Explain that the difference between "omotenashi" and "service" lies in "anticipating needs."
"'Omotenashi' is different from standard service. It’s about anticipating the guest's needs before they even ask. The philosophy is to provide wholehearted care without expecting anything in return."
4. Don't Aim for Perfection: Use Vulnerability to Your Advantage
You don't need to be perfect when socializing in English. In fact, showing a little vulnerability by sharing a minor mistake can actually bring you closer to people—a phenomenon proven by psychology known as the Pratfall Effect.
Mistakes with words or cultural misunderstandings are perfect for turning into humorous anecdotes (Safe Failures).
Example Script: "I’m always impressed by your culture, but I still make mistakes. Once, I tried to compliment a chef on his 'chicken', but I mispronounced it and said his 'kitchen' was delicious! Everyone laughed, but it really broke the ice."
By presenting your "imperfect self" in a charming way, you help others relax and feel more comfortable talking to you.
Conclusion: Socializing is Less About Talking and More About Drawing Others Out
You don't need to be a fluent, non-stop talker to survive a business lunch or party that lasts over an hour. What you need is the ability to ask questions that put the spotlight on others and the preparation to speak intelligently about your own culture when asked.
With these two skills, you won't fear silence. Instead, silence becomes a space for the other person to think and begin to share.
Simulate Business Socializing at ELT
Knowing phrases is one thing, but using them in a noisy party or restaurant requires practice. At ELT, you can role-play with experienced native-speaking instructors in scenarios that simulate "joining a conversation at a networking event" or "having a deep conversation at a business dinner."
"I want to be able to explain Japanese culture in my own words." "I want to practice my networking skills for my next business trip."
Our professional instructors are here to help you with these specific requests.
